Showing posts with label creating rituals for death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label creating rituals for death. Show all posts
Sunday
CEREMONIES
I recently attended friends Memorial Service. My friend had struggled with Breast Cancer for over 3 years and graciously and courageously faced death. The Memorial Service was written and created by her before she died. It was so beautiful. She had a partner and two young daughters and the service was designed for them. It was held in a park and a friend conducted the service, we honored and remembered her. There was a photo board full of photos. We were asked to write a blessing for her, which was then attached to a balloon and released. We were also asked to write positive statements for her children which were placed on a wishing tree and which would then be given to each of her girls for their memory boxes. There was no coffin as she had chosen to have an unaccompanied cremation. The Memorial Service was then followed by a Wake.It was truly a celebration of her life and we were all given a postcard with a collage of photos of her to take home for our own Memory boxes.I wanted to share this story as it highlights some simple things that we can do to create a beautiful Ceremony. It was a very child friendly service and inclusive of the children which was wonderful.I wasn’t sure what to do as a gift for the family so my daughter and I made little gift bags for the two girls with little worry dolls, candles, tea light lanterns, a rose quartz gemstone and a beautiful angel to place somewhere special.
BOOK REVIEW
DEALING CREATIVELY WITH DEATH. A MANUAL OF DEATH EDUCATION AND SIMPLE BURIAL. By Ernest Morgan.
This book gives a simple overview of the death process. It covers topics such as death education, living with dying, simple burial and cremation, death ceremonies and other related topics. It is a good resource as it lists references to other books and relevant organizations. It also has sample ceremonies. It is however American based information.
This book gives a simple overview of the death process. It covers topics such as death education, living with dying, simple burial and cremation, death ceremonies and other related topics. It is a good resource as it lists references to other books and relevant organizations. It also has sample ceremonies. It is however American based information.
Thursday
BOOK REVIEW
MIDWIFE FOR SOULS. SPIRITUAL CARE FOR THE DYING.By Kathy Kalina.
Kathy Kalina is a nurse who works in the Hospice Care area and is 100% Catholic. Her book is very God and religious focused but is still written to enable people to understand the dying process and how to spiritually assist people who are dying. She makes a fantastic comparison between the birthing process and the dying process. It is an easy read book with beautiful stories and great information. The back of the book is filled with prayers that you can refer to if assisting a dying person. It is specific to Hospice Care and people who are terminally ill.
Kathy Kalina is a nurse who works in the Hospice Care area and is 100% Catholic. Her book is very God and religious focused but is still written to enable people to understand the dying process and how to spiritually assist people who are dying. She makes a fantastic comparison between the birthing process and the dying process. It is an easy read book with beautiful stories and great information. The back of the book is filled with prayers that you can refer to if assisting a dying person. It is specific to Hospice Care and people who are terminally ill.
Monday
PERSONAL EXPERIENCES 3
MISCARRIAGES.
I have had three miscarriages on my journey through motherhood. The first was my second conception and I didn't even know that I was pregnant until I had a very big bleed one night. I wasn't sure if it was just a very heavy period or a miscarriage. I had this amazing dream though, that I was standing in my hallway and could see out onto the road and a hearse with a tiny coffin in it was driving slowly by and a woman was walking next to the hearse crying and she looked up at me and I knew a baby had died. The next day I went to the hospital which was a waste of time as there was nothing anyone could do. I don't remember grieving the loss or being very upset other than for a couple of days after the event. My good friend also was moving interstate that very same day so I think there was a mixture of grief. I did get that the baby was a boy and his name was Benjamin.
My next miscarriage was very different. This was my fifth conception and was a funny pregnancy..not the usual sort of feelings and bodily changes. At 12 weeks we started to tell people as we thought we were over the initial period when you do tend to lose babies. I felt strange telling people but didn't know why. Then I started to have some bleeding. My midwife ordered me off my feet to rest. I did this for five days as I bled and I quilted to distract myself from my thoughts.Then one night I had intense pains like labour pains and I tried to ignore them and the more I did the more they hurt. So I started to breath through them, like a labour. I had a strong urge to go to the toilet where I concentrated on letting go and out popped the sac with the tiny fetus inside. It felt like I had just given birth and there was the same excitement so I called my husband and son and showed them...its a baby! They both went queasy ...not a good idea. I found the experience amazingly beautiful. This time I didn't go to the hospital and recuperated at home. We named the baby Darcy Davina as I got that she was a girl. We gathered together and did a ceremony honouring the spirit of the baby and we planted the fetus in with Leteisha's ashes with some beautiful pink and orange gerberas. Then celebrated with afternoon tea.
I conceived again shorty after Darcy's pregnancy and again waited 12 weeks before telling people and this time only told close friends. At 17 weeks I started to have a bleed, just mild spotting this time, which can be common in pregnancy. At 18 weeks my midwife came and used a Doplar machine to see if we could get a heartbeat, but we didn't. My 20 week ultrasound appointment was only a week away so I chose to wait. I thought that if I was going to miscarry something dramatic would happen, but nothing did. We went for our ultrasound appointment and it was confirmed that the baby was dead and had been for awhile.We spent the weekend trying natural methods to bring on the miscarry but to no avail and the following week I ended up in hospital having a D&C procedure. The doctors and staff were pretty amazing and I asked to keep the remains of the baby to take home. At first this request nearly turned into a bureaucratic nightmare but the Doctor doing the procedure had common sense and said that I could take the remains with me straight after the operation rather than going through the system. As I was coming out of the operation a nurse handed me a small paper bag and said " here is your baby" and then tucked it into my arms like I was being presented with a full term baby. That single act made the whole process a good experience. I went home and we did a small ceremony with just our family and buried the baby's remains in the same pot with Leteisha and Darcy. This baby was also a girl and I named her Clarissa. This experience really rocked me and I was finding it hard to deal with. Some friends were getting married in the country on their farm so I went on my own to have a break. The morning before the Wedding Ceremony I went into the bush and sat on a rocky out crop and looked at the sky and cried and asked; Why me? Why do I have to keep dealing with grief? I have had enough? I t is not fair? and so on. Then for the Wedding Ceremony we walked through the paddocks up to a sacred site where the vows were to be said. My friends' cows followed us up and as we were waiting I noticed that one cow had afterbirth still visible and I thought that she had just given birth when someone said that it had been a stillborn. I burst into tears and then I got it as clear as day....THIS IS LIFE! COWS MISCARRY! PEOPLE MISCARRY! LIFE AND DEATH ENTWINED! THE CIRCLE OF LIFE!<>
I felt a great sense of relief after that moment. It still didn't take away my pain but it definitely eased it.
I conceived again after that pregnancy and had two beautiful babies Michael and Ruby....life had come full circle yet again. It finally felt complete. The cow also went on to conceive.
These experiences have shown me how important it is to honour each and every death and for me, to create rituals which help to acknowledge and move on from those experiences in order to be able to heal the pain and grief. Also to honour every spirit that comes to this world even for the briefest time and thank it for its presence in our life.
I have had three miscarriages on my journey through motherhood. The first was my second conception and I didn't even know that I was pregnant until I had a very big bleed one night. I wasn't sure if it was just a very heavy period or a miscarriage. I had this amazing dream though, that I was standing in my hallway and could see out onto the road and a hearse with a tiny coffin in it was driving slowly by and a woman was walking next to the hearse crying and she looked up at me and I knew a baby had died. The next day I went to the hospital which was a waste of time as there was nothing anyone could do. I don't remember grieving the loss or being very upset other than for a couple of days after the event. My good friend also was moving interstate that very same day so I think there was a mixture of grief. I did get that the baby was a boy and his name was Benjamin.
My next miscarriage was very different. This was my fifth conception and was a funny pregnancy..not the usual sort of feelings and bodily changes. At 12 weeks we started to tell people as we thought we were over the initial period when you do tend to lose babies. I felt strange telling people but didn't know why. Then I started to have some bleeding. My midwife ordered me off my feet to rest. I did this for five days as I bled and I quilted to distract myself from my thoughts.Then one night I had intense pains like labour pains and I tried to ignore them and the more I did the more they hurt. So I started to breath through them, like a labour. I had a strong urge to go to the toilet where I concentrated on letting go and out popped the sac with the tiny fetus inside. It felt like I had just given birth and there was the same excitement so I called my husband and son and showed them...its a baby! They both went queasy ...not a good idea. I found the experience amazingly beautiful. This time I didn't go to the hospital and recuperated at home. We named the baby Darcy Davina as I got that she was a girl. We gathered together and did a ceremony honouring the spirit of the baby and we planted the fetus in with Leteisha's ashes with some beautiful pink and orange gerberas. Then celebrated with afternoon tea.
I conceived again shorty after Darcy's pregnancy and again waited 12 weeks before telling people and this time only told close friends. At 17 weeks I started to have a bleed, just mild spotting this time, which can be common in pregnancy. At 18 weeks my midwife came and used a Doplar machine to see if we could get a heartbeat, but we didn't. My 20 week ultrasound appointment was only a week away so I chose to wait. I thought that if I was going to miscarry something dramatic would happen, but nothing did. We went for our ultrasound appointment and it was confirmed that the baby was dead and had been for awhile.We spent the weekend trying natural methods to bring on the miscarry but to no avail and the following week I ended up in hospital having a D&C procedure. The doctors and staff were pretty amazing and I asked to keep the remains of the baby to take home. At first this request nearly turned into a bureaucratic nightmare but the Doctor doing the procedure had common sense and said that I could take the remains with me straight after the operation rather than going through the system. As I was coming out of the operation a nurse handed me a small paper bag and said " here is your baby" and then tucked it into my arms like I was being presented with a full term baby. That single act made the whole process a good experience. I went home and we did a small ceremony with just our family and buried the baby's remains in the same pot with Leteisha and Darcy. This baby was also a girl and I named her Clarissa. This experience really rocked me and I was finding it hard to deal with. Some friends were getting married in the country on their farm so I went on my own to have a break. The morning before the Wedding Ceremony I went into the bush and sat on a rocky out crop and looked at the sky and cried and asked; Why me? Why do I have to keep dealing with grief? I have had enough? I t is not fair? and so on. Then for the Wedding Ceremony we walked through the paddocks up to a sacred site where the vows were to be said. My friends' cows followed us up and as we were waiting I noticed that one cow had afterbirth still visible and I thought that she had just given birth when someone said that it had been a stillborn. I burst into tears and then I got it as clear as day....THIS IS LIFE! COWS MISCARRY! PEOPLE MISCARRY! LIFE AND DEATH ENTWINED! THE CIRCLE OF LIFE!<>
I felt a great sense of relief after that moment. It still didn't take away my pain but it definitely eased it.
I conceived again after that pregnancy and had two beautiful babies Michael and Ruby....life had come full circle yet again. It finally felt complete. The cow also went on to conceive.
These experiences have shown me how important it is to honour each and every death and for me, to create rituals which help to acknowledge and move on from those experiences in order to be able to heal the pain and grief. Also to honour every spirit that comes to this world even for the briefest time and thank it for its presence in our life.
Tuesday
ARIANDEL OF AVALON
My dear friend Ariandel or the Crone, as I call her, has a wonderful blog about her garden and the changing of the seasons. She has taught me much about the seasons and rituals to celebrate them. It was many conversations with her about death that led me to much of my enquiry and to writing this blog. She is in her 70's and a computer whizz coaching me as I go. Please follow the link to check out her blog; http://www.gardenofavalon.blogspot.com/
Ariandel has now written her own blog called "Funerals To Die For", which is worth checking out.
Ariandel has now written her own blog called "Funerals To Die For", which is worth checking out.
Monday
BOOK REVIEWS
COMING TO REST:A GUIDE TO CARING FOR OUR OWN DEAD by Julie Wiskind and Richard Spiegal.
This book is a great book...very simply written and structured and has some wonderful checklists to help people get organised if a death is impending. It is an American based book and the laws relate to USA only.
SACRED DYING: CREATING RITUALS FOR EMBRACING THE END OF LIFE by Megory Anderson.
I love this book...Megory talks about her experiences as a Death Doula, vigiling with dying people in either their home or hospital/hospice. She talks about how important it is to create a sacred space for the person who is dying and creating rituals to assist them in their process. These rituals are to help them resolve issues that are preventing them from letting go and dying. Other rituals are designed to help the person move easily through the dying process. Her focus is always on the dying persons needs and attending to the spiritual aspects of dying, recognising their beliefs and honouring these. It is a very easy to read book and her personal experiences are inspiring.
This book is a great book...very simply written and structured and has some wonderful checklists to help people get organised if a death is impending. It is an American based book and the laws relate to USA only.
SACRED DYING: CREATING RITUALS FOR EMBRACING THE END OF LIFE by Megory Anderson.
I love this book...Megory talks about her experiences as a Death Doula, vigiling with dying people in either their home or hospital/hospice. She talks about how important it is to create a sacred space for the person who is dying and creating rituals to assist them in their process. These rituals are to help them resolve issues that are preventing them from letting go and dying. Other rituals are designed to help the person move easily through the dying process. Her focus is always on the dying persons needs and attending to the spiritual aspects of dying, recognising their beliefs and honouring these. It is a very easy to read book and her personal experiences are inspiring.
Sunday
THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.
The main theme in my life thus far has been the birth, life, death, rebirth cycle or the circle of life. It has created and moulded my life experiences and is a big part of who I am. It is these experiences which have led me to creating this blog and all that I will express within it. Grief has become a very familiar and old friend, one that I know intrinsically. It is from this place that I have developed a desire to find out more about how we can care for our dying in a more natural way and reclaim the process of tending to the dead. Thus,placing that role back into the family and the community, with a vision of creating a more healing and enriching experience for all involved.
I have been a strong advocate for home birth and birthed all of my children at home. This experience has been profound for myself, my family and community.I now believe that the essence of the home birth experience could be infused into the experience of death.Both of these experiences are rites of passage that transform us. They are times when we enter the veil and walk between the worlds...when we are stripped of all of our masks and reborn into a new form.
"Here is the circle of rebirth.Through You all passes out of life, but through Me all may be reborn again. Everything passes; everything changes. Even death is not eternal. Mine is the mystery of the womb, that is the cauldron of rebirth. Enter into Me and know Me, and You will be free of all fear. For as life is but a journey into death, so death is but a passage back to life, and in Me the circle is ever turning." (STARHAWK, 'The Spiral Dance'19
I have been a strong advocate for home birth and birthed all of my children at home. This experience has been profound for myself, my family and community.I now believe that the essence of the home birth experience could be infused into the experience of death.Both of these experiences are rites of passage that transform us. They are times when we enter the veil and walk between the worlds...when we are stripped of all of our masks and reborn into a new form.
"Here is the circle of rebirth.Through You all passes out of life, but through Me all may be reborn again. Everything passes; everything changes. Even death is not eternal. Mine is the mystery of the womb, that is the cauldron of rebirth. Enter into Me and know Me, and You will be free of all fear. For as life is but a journey into death, so death is but a passage back to life, and in Me the circle is ever turning." (STARHAWK, 'The Spiral Dance'19
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