My dear friend Ariandel or the Crone, as I call her, has a wonderful blog about her garden and the changing of the seasons. She has taught me much about the seasons and rituals to celebrate them. It was many conversations with her about death that led me to much of my enquiry and to writing this blog. She is in her 70's and a computer whizz coaching me as I go. Please follow the link to check out her blog; http://www.gardenofavalon.blogspot.com/
Ariandel has now written her own blog called "Funerals To Die For", which is worth checking out.
Tuesday
Monday
HEALING THROUGH KINESIOLOGY.
Part of my healing from Leteishas death was regular Kinesiology sessions with a wonderful Perth practitioner Sahaja at Best Health Centre in Perth. It provided me with the physical, emotional and spiritual healing that I needed in my process of grief. I don't think I would have come through the experience as well as I have, if it wasn't for those sessions. I continue to go regularly and my grief still pops up every now and then, just to remind me to keep letting go.
Please follow the links for more information.
http://besthealth.com.au/
http://light-up-the-world.blogspot.com/
http://www.perthkinesiology.info/
Please follow the links for more information.
http://besthealth.com.au/
http://light-up-the-world.blogspot.com/
http://www.perthkinesiology.info/
PERSONAL EXPERIENCES PART TWO.
Leteishas Death.
Leteisha was my second born child who was birthed at home, in a water tub, in the early hours of the morning. It was a quick and powerful birth and my first successful home water birth. She was a chubby cheeked cherub of a baby who had so many adventures in her short life and seemed to just want to explore the world and all it had to offer at a lightening pace. One day,when she was 8 months old, I put her to bed after a busy day at the swimming pool. It had been a typical Perth scorcher of a summers day. She seemed to be sleeping longer than normal and when I went to check on her I could not find her where I had left her on the bed. My mind could not make sense of what was going on and then I noticed her little foot sticking out from in between the bed and wall. She was very hot and not breathing. I rang 000 while my husband did CPR. It seemed to take forever for the ambulance to arrive. When they did I paced in circles like I had when in labour with her. They worked on her but I knew she was dead. I looked at my husband and said "she's dead!" but the ambulance guys snapped at me that she was just not breathing. They took her in the ambulance and I remember thinking "why bother!she's dead".
But of course you are in shock and just go with what is happening. The first person I called was my midwife and my aunt, one to take me to the hospital, the other to care for my son who had slept through this whole scenario.
Once at the hospital Leteisha had been put on life support and the doctor came to spell out the facts. I did not know whether I wanted to shit or spue it was so overwhelming. I ended up collapsing in the fetal position on the floor. The rest of the night was spent with Leteisha, so small, in a bed, with tubes hanging off her everywhere. I continually put rescue remedy on her forehead and told her that if she needed to go to do so.
The next day decisions had to be made about taking her off the life support. I knew that once that had been done that I wanted to take her body home. I begged and pleaded and my Aunt spoke to the Coronial officer who gave us the permission. Infant deaths are immediately deemed to have a Coronial Enquiry, in Australia. There was no way I wanted to leave my baby in the hospital.
The machines were turned off and we took hand and foot prints and locks of hair as mementos. This was offered by the hospital. We wrapped her up and we walked out of the hospital and went home.
My wonderful friends had been and created a beautiful space for us. I bathed with Leteisha, as I had done every day, one last time. I oiled her body and combed her hair and cut her finger nails. All the things that I felt I needed to do as a mother. I felt so connected to all of the women, everywhere, in every time gone by, who had tended to their loved ones and prepared their bodies in this way. It was such a healing and powerful experience. We then wrapped her up again and returned her body to the hospital.
Then the grieving process began....the intense pain so deep, the shock, denial, grief, anger all at once. Yet the most highest transcendental highs, where there was symbolism and metaphors and connections and joy and laughter and light. A place where my creativity would just pour out of me...it was so surreal. I was so raw...I couldn't wear clothes, my body odour was extreme. At night I would put up photos and paint and slowly created an alter in memory of Leteisha, in the living room.
The community support started to kick in and we were inundated with flowers and food and offers of help. We decided to have a small closed funeral service with just our closest friends and family members. I ordered a white casket that had been the least treated because I wanted to paint it. I did not know of what is really available. The casket came and smelt so chemically, I smudged and oiled it for days to get rid of the smell. I invited the family over to decorate the coffin. We all put our hand prints on the side and the kids put stickers all over it. The night before it was to be delivered to the funeral parlour I stayed up painting the lid. I felt so connected to her spirit and the end result was beautiful. The family had all found it to be a powerful experience and not what they had anticipated. I felt that it was a really healthy way for the children to be involved and help make the experience real for them.
At the funeral we all stood in a circle and my midwife was the celebrant. We asked everyone to share and everyone spoke of Leteisha. We then placed flowers onto the coffin before going out into the gardens and releasing butterflies. The butterfly had become her symbol and is very symbolic of life cycles and transformation. We then had a memorial service in the park for the wider community a week later. In hindsight I perhaps would have done things differently but I feel I did well considering what information I had available to me at the time. I am so grateful that I had the right support and a wonderful community that cared for me and were activists on my behalf.
Leteisha was my second born child who was birthed at home, in a water tub, in the early hours of the morning. It was a quick and powerful birth and my first successful home water birth. She was a chubby cheeked cherub of a baby who had so many adventures in her short life and seemed to just want to explore the world and all it had to offer at a lightening pace. One day,when she was 8 months old, I put her to bed after a busy day at the swimming pool. It had been a typical Perth scorcher of a summers day. She seemed to be sleeping longer than normal and when I went to check on her I could not find her where I had left her on the bed. My mind could not make sense of what was going on and then I noticed her little foot sticking out from in between the bed and wall. She was very hot and not breathing. I rang 000 while my husband did CPR. It seemed to take forever for the ambulance to arrive. When they did I paced in circles like I had when in labour with her. They worked on her but I knew she was dead. I looked at my husband and said "she's dead!" but the ambulance guys snapped at me that she was just not breathing. They took her in the ambulance and I remember thinking "why bother!she's dead".
But of course you are in shock and just go with what is happening. The first person I called was my midwife and my aunt, one to take me to the hospital, the other to care for my son who had slept through this whole scenario.
Once at the hospital Leteisha had been put on life support and the doctor came to spell out the facts. I did not know whether I wanted to shit or spue it was so overwhelming. I ended up collapsing in the fetal position on the floor. The rest of the night was spent with Leteisha, so small, in a bed, with tubes hanging off her everywhere. I continually put rescue remedy on her forehead and told her that if she needed to go to do so.
The next day decisions had to be made about taking her off the life support. I knew that once that had been done that I wanted to take her body home. I begged and pleaded and my Aunt spoke to the Coronial officer who gave us the permission. Infant deaths are immediately deemed to have a Coronial Enquiry, in Australia. There was no way I wanted to leave my baby in the hospital.
The machines were turned off and we took hand and foot prints and locks of hair as mementos. This was offered by the hospital. We wrapped her up and we walked out of the hospital and went home.
My wonderful friends had been and created a beautiful space for us. I bathed with Leteisha, as I had done every day, one last time. I oiled her body and combed her hair and cut her finger nails. All the things that I felt I needed to do as a mother. I felt so connected to all of the women, everywhere, in every time gone by, who had tended to their loved ones and prepared their bodies in this way. It was such a healing and powerful experience. We then wrapped her up again and returned her body to the hospital.
Then the grieving process began....the intense pain so deep, the shock, denial, grief, anger all at once. Yet the most highest transcendental highs, where there was symbolism and metaphors and connections and joy and laughter and light. A place where my creativity would just pour out of me...it was so surreal. I was so raw...I couldn't wear clothes, my body odour was extreme. At night I would put up photos and paint and slowly created an alter in memory of Leteisha, in the living room.
The community support started to kick in and we were inundated with flowers and food and offers of help. We decided to have a small closed funeral service with just our closest friends and family members. I ordered a white casket that had been the least treated because I wanted to paint it. I did not know of what is really available. The casket came and smelt so chemically, I smudged and oiled it for days to get rid of the smell. I invited the family over to decorate the coffin. We all put our hand prints on the side and the kids put stickers all over it. The night before it was to be delivered to the funeral parlour I stayed up painting the lid. I felt so connected to her spirit and the end result was beautiful. The family had all found it to be a powerful experience and not what they had anticipated. I felt that it was a really healthy way for the children to be involved and help make the experience real for them.
At the funeral we all stood in a circle and my midwife was the celebrant. We asked everyone to share and everyone spoke of Leteisha. We then placed flowers onto the coffin before going out into the gardens and releasing butterflies. The butterfly had become her symbol and is very symbolic of life cycles and transformation. We then had a memorial service in the park for the wider community a week later. In hindsight I perhaps would have done things differently but I feel I did well considering what information I had available to me at the time. I am so grateful that I had the right support and a wonderful community that cared for me and were activists on my behalf.
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