I recently attended a workshop about Enduring Power Of Attorney, Orders for Administration and yet to be approved Enduring Power of Guardianship and Advanced Health Directives (Living Wills). They are currently trying to pass the Bill through the Western Australian State Government.Basically, a Living Will is a written request of any medical directives you wish to have made on your behalf if you are considered to not be able to make sound decisions for yourself. For example if you want to choose not to be resuscitated in certain situations. A Living Will can also encompass lifestyle decisions and presumably you would be able to leave clear instructions on how you would like your funeral conducted.Until this Act is passed though what one can do is discuss your wishes with family, write it all down clearly, get your GP to sign it to say that you were of sound mind when writing your wishes and consider someone to be an Enduring Power of Attorney for you. If you elect someone for this role, discuss your wishes with him or her so that they know what you want. If you want to have something that is very specific and complex it would be advised to seek Legal advice and have a Solicitor write up a Living Will for you, keeping in mind the expense involved.For more information I would recommend attending a workshop that is offered by the Fremantle Community Legal Service. They also offer workshops on Wills.
For more information about Power of Attorney and Wills check out the Department of Justice website. www.justice.wa.gov.au
Sunday
CEREMONIES
I recently attended friends Memorial Service. My friend had struggled with Breast Cancer for over 3 years and graciously and courageously faced death. The Memorial Service was written and created by her before she died. It was so beautiful. She had a partner and two young daughters and the service was designed for them. It was held in a park and a friend conducted the service, we honored and remembered her. There was a photo board full of photos. We were asked to write a blessing for her, which was then attached to a balloon and released. We were also asked to write positive statements for her children which were placed on a wishing tree and which would then be given to each of her girls for their memory boxes. There was no coffin as she had chosen to have an unaccompanied cremation. The Memorial Service was then followed by a Wake.It was truly a celebration of her life and we were all given a postcard with a collage of photos of her to take home for our own Memory boxes.I wanted to share this story as it highlights some simple things that we can do to create a beautiful Ceremony. It was a very child friendly service and inclusive of the children which was wonderful.I wasn’t sure what to do as a gift for the family so my daughter and I made little gift bags for the two girls with little worry dolls, candles, tea light lanterns, a rose quartz gemstone and a beautiful angel to place somewhere special.
BOOK REVIEW
DEALING CREATIVELY WITH DEATH. A MANUAL OF DEATH EDUCATION AND SIMPLE BURIAL. By Ernest Morgan.
This book gives a simple overview of the death process. It covers topics such as death education, living with dying, simple burial and cremation, death ceremonies and other related topics. It is a good resource as it lists references to other books and relevant organizations. It also has sample ceremonies. It is however American based information.
This book gives a simple overview of the death process. It covers topics such as death education, living with dying, simple burial and cremation, death ceremonies and other related topics. It is a good resource as it lists references to other books and relevant organizations. It also has sample ceremonies. It is however American based information.
Thursday
BOOK REVIEW
MIDWIFE FOR SOULS. SPIRITUAL CARE FOR THE DYING.By Kathy Kalina.
Kathy Kalina is a nurse who works in the Hospice Care area and is 100% Catholic. Her book is very God and religious focused but is still written to enable people to understand the dying process and how to spiritually assist people who are dying. She makes a fantastic comparison between the birthing process and the dying process. It is an easy read book with beautiful stories and great information. The back of the book is filled with prayers that you can refer to if assisting a dying person. It is specific to Hospice Care and people who are terminally ill.
Kathy Kalina is a nurse who works in the Hospice Care area and is 100% Catholic. Her book is very God and religious focused but is still written to enable people to understand the dying process and how to spiritually assist people who are dying. She makes a fantastic comparison between the birthing process and the dying process. It is an easy read book with beautiful stories and great information. The back of the book is filled with prayers that you can refer to if assisting a dying person. It is specific to Hospice Care and people who are terminally ill.
Friday
SINGLE FUNERAL PERMIT
METROPOLITAN CEMETERIES BOARD WA.
I have recently been in touch with the Fremantle Cemetery to find out what is required to undertake your own funeral. If you choose to do-it-yourself you need to apply for a SINGLE FUNERAL PERMIT with the Metropolitan Cemeteries Board whose main office is at Karrakatta Cemetery Perth. They have a kit which has all of the information regarding what documentation is required, what requirements they want met, as well as step-by-step instructions, price lists and contact lists for medical referees, coffin makers and the relevant Government Departments. I obtained my kit from Fremantle Cemetery and I would think that all the metropolitan cemeteries would have it available. I would contact them first just to be sure though.The kit outlines the requirements for both Burials and Cremations. There appears to be more paperwork involved when doing a cremation.Below are links to some of the Agencies that you tend to deal with.
Application for Permit to Cremate-Health Department of WA.
Death Registration Paper (Death Certificate)- Registrar General, Births,Deaths,Marriages.
Coroners Certificate (if Coronal Inquiry)- Coroner's Court.
I have recently been in touch with the Fremantle Cemetery to find out what is required to undertake your own funeral. If you choose to do-it-yourself you need to apply for a SINGLE FUNERAL PERMIT with the Metropolitan Cemeteries Board whose main office is at Karrakatta Cemetery Perth. They have a kit which has all of the information regarding what documentation is required, what requirements they want met, as well as step-by-step instructions, price lists and contact lists for medical referees, coffin makers and the relevant Government Departments. I obtained my kit from Fremantle Cemetery and I would think that all the metropolitan cemeteries would have it available. I would contact them first just to be sure though.The kit outlines the requirements for both Burials and Cremations. There appears to be more paperwork involved when doing a cremation.Below are links to some of the Agencies that you tend to deal with.
Application for Permit to Cremate-Health Department of WA.
Death Registration Paper (Death Certificate)- Registrar General, Births,Deaths,Marriages.
Coroners Certificate (if Coronal Inquiry)- Coroner's Court.
Thursday
BOOK REVIEW
FUNERAL RIGHTS.WHAT THE 'DEATH-CARE'INDUSTRY DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW.By Robert Larkins.
I have just finished this book and it is the best resource I have found so far. Firstly, it is relevant to Australia and gives great insight into the workings of the Funeral sector and its history.It outlines the practical steps one needs to consider when organising and making decisions around what sort of funeral you would like and how to care for the deceased.Included in this are step-by-step actions one needs to take when doing a Do-it-yourself funeral.There are lots of personal accounts and resource lists and so much more.Coming from a legal background Robert presents all the relevant legal information and authorities that one needs to deal with in regards to death and your Funeral rights.I would highly recommend this book.
I have just finished this book and it is the best resource I have found so far. Firstly, it is relevant to Australia and gives great insight into the workings of the Funeral sector and its history.It outlines the practical steps one needs to consider when organising and making decisions around what sort of funeral you would like and how to care for the deceased.Included in this are step-by-step actions one needs to take when doing a Do-it-yourself funeral.There are lots of personal accounts and resource lists and so much more.Coming from a legal background Robert presents all the relevant legal information and authorities that one needs to deal with in regards to death and your Funeral rights.I would highly recommend this book.
Monday
PERSONAL EXPERIENCES 3
MISCARRIAGES.
I have had three miscarriages on my journey through motherhood. The first was my second conception and I didn't even know that I was pregnant until I had a very big bleed one night. I wasn't sure if it was just a very heavy period or a miscarriage. I had this amazing dream though, that I was standing in my hallway and could see out onto the road and a hearse with a tiny coffin in it was driving slowly by and a woman was walking next to the hearse crying and she looked up at me and I knew a baby had died. The next day I went to the hospital which was a waste of time as there was nothing anyone could do. I don't remember grieving the loss or being very upset other than for a couple of days after the event. My good friend also was moving interstate that very same day so I think there was a mixture of grief. I did get that the baby was a boy and his name was Benjamin.
My next miscarriage was very different. This was my fifth conception and was a funny pregnancy..not the usual sort of feelings and bodily changes. At 12 weeks we started to tell people as we thought we were over the initial period when you do tend to lose babies. I felt strange telling people but didn't know why. Then I started to have some bleeding. My midwife ordered me off my feet to rest. I did this for five days as I bled and I quilted to distract myself from my thoughts.Then one night I had intense pains like labour pains and I tried to ignore them and the more I did the more they hurt. So I started to breath through them, like a labour. I had a strong urge to go to the toilet where I concentrated on letting go and out popped the sac with the tiny fetus inside. It felt like I had just given birth and there was the same excitement so I called my husband and son and showed them...its a baby! They both went queasy ...not a good idea. I found the experience amazingly beautiful. This time I didn't go to the hospital and recuperated at home. We named the baby Darcy Davina as I got that she was a girl. We gathered together and did a ceremony honouring the spirit of the baby and we planted the fetus in with Leteisha's ashes with some beautiful pink and orange gerberas. Then celebrated with afternoon tea.
I conceived again shorty after Darcy's pregnancy and again waited 12 weeks before telling people and this time only told close friends. At 17 weeks I started to have a bleed, just mild spotting this time, which can be common in pregnancy. At 18 weeks my midwife came and used a Doplar machine to see if we could get a heartbeat, but we didn't. My 20 week ultrasound appointment was only a week away so I chose to wait. I thought that if I was going to miscarry something dramatic would happen, but nothing did. We went for our ultrasound appointment and it was confirmed that the baby was dead and had been for awhile.We spent the weekend trying natural methods to bring on the miscarry but to no avail and the following week I ended up in hospital having a D&C procedure. The doctors and staff were pretty amazing and I asked to keep the remains of the baby to take home. At first this request nearly turned into a bureaucratic nightmare but the Doctor doing the procedure had common sense and said that I could take the remains with me straight after the operation rather than going through the system. As I was coming out of the operation a nurse handed me a small paper bag and said " here is your baby" and then tucked it into my arms like I was being presented with a full term baby. That single act made the whole process a good experience. I went home and we did a small ceremony with just our family and buried the baby's remains in the same pot with Leteisha and Darcy. This baby was also a girl and I named her Clarissa. This experience really rocked me and I was finding it hard to deal with. Some friends were getting married in the country on their farm so I went on my own to have a break. The morning before the Wedding Ceremony I went into the bush and sat on a rocky out crop and looked at the sky and cried and asked; Why me? Why do I have to keep dealing with grief? I have had enough? I t is not fair? and so on. Then for the Wedding Ceremony we walked through the paddocks up to a sacred site where the vows were to be said. My friends' cows followed us up and as we were waiting I noticed that one cow had afterbirth still visible and I thought that she had just given birth when someone said that it had been a stillborn. I burst into tears and then I got it as clear as day....THIS IS LIFE! COWS MISCARRY! PEOPLE MISCARRY! LIFE AND DEATH ENTWINED! THE CIRCLE OF LIFE!<>
I felt a great sense of relief after that moment. It still didn't take away my pain but it definitely eased it.
I conceived again after that pregnancy and had two beautiful babies Michael and Ruby....life had come full circle yet again. It finally felt complete. The cow also went on to conceive.
These experiences have shown me how important it is to honour each and every death and for me, to create rituals which help to acknowledge and move on from those experiences in order to be able to heal the pain and grief. Also to honour every spirit that comes to this world even for the briefest time and thank it for its presence in our life.
I have had three miscarriages on my journey through motherhood. The first was my second conception and I didn't even know that I was pregnant until I had a very big bleed one night. I wasn't sure if it was just a very heavy period or a miscarriage. I had this amazing dream though, that I was standing in my hallway and could see out onto the road and a hearse with a tiny coffin in it was driving slowly by and a woman was walking next to the hearse crying and she looked up at me and I knew a baby had died. The next day I went to the hospital which was a waste of time as there was nothing anyone could do. I don't remember grieving the loss or being very upset other than for a couple of days after the event. My good friend also was moving interstate that very same day so I think there was a mixture of grief. I did get that the baby was a boy and his name was Benjamin.
My next miscarriage was very different. This was my fifth conception and was a funny pregnancy..not the usual sort of feelings and bodily changes. At 12 weeks we started to tell people as we thought we were over the initial period when you do tend to lose babies. I felt strange telling people but didn't know why. Then I started to have some bleeding. My midwife ordered me off my feet to rest. I did this for five days as I bled and I quilted to distract myself from my thoughts.Then one night I had intense pains like labour pains and I tried to ignore them and the more I did the more they hurt. So I started to breath through them, like a labour. I had a strong urge to go to the toilet where I concentrated on letting go and out popped the sac with the tiny fetus inside. It felt like I had just given birth and there was the same excitement so I called my husband and son and showed them...its a baby! They both went queasy ...not a good idea. I found the experience amazingly beautiful. This time I didn't go to the hospital and recuperated at home. We named the baby Darcy Davina as I got that she was a girl. We gathered together and did a ceremony honouring the spirit of the baby and we planted the fetus in with Leteisha's ashes with some beautiful pink and orange gerberas. Then celebrated with afternoon tea.
I conceived again shorty after Darcy's pregnancy and again waited 12 weeks before telling people and this time only told close friends. At 17 weeks I started to have a bleed, just mild spotting this time, which can be common in pregnancy. At 18 weeks my midwife came and used a Doplar machine to see if we could get a heartbeat, but we didn't. My 20 week ultrasound appointment was only a week away so I chose to wait. I thought that if I was going to miscarry something dramatic would happen, but nothing did. We went for our ultrasound appointment and it was confirmed that the baby was dead and had been for awhile.We spent the weekend trying natural methods to bring on the miscarry but to no avail and the following week I ended up in hospital having a D&C procedure. The doctors and staff were pretty amazing and I asked to keep the remains of the baby to take home. At first this request nearly turned into a bureaucratic nightmare but the Doctor doing the procedure had common sense and said that I could take the remains with me straight after the operation rather than going through the system. As I was coming out of the operation a nurse handed me a small paper bag and said " here is your baby" and then tucked it into my arms like I was being presented with a full term baby. That single act made the whole process a good experience. I went home and we did a small ceremony with just our family and buried the baby's remains in the same pot with Leteisha and Darcy. This baby was also a girl and I named her Clarissa. This experience really rocked me and I was finding it hard to deal with. Some friends were getting married in the country on their farm so I went on my own to have a break. The morning before the Wedding Ceremony I went into the bush and sat on a rocky out crop and looked at the sky and cried and asked; Why me? Why do I have to keep dealing with grief? I have had enough? I t is not fair? and so on. Then for the Wedding Ceremony we walked through the paddocks up to a sacred site where the vows were to be said. My friends' cows followed us up and as we were waiting I noticed that one cow had afterbirth still visible and I thought that she had just given birth when someone said that it had been a stillborn. I burst into tears and then I got it as clear as day....THIS IS LIFE! COWS MISCARRY! PEOPLE MISCARRY! LIFE AND DEATH ENTWINED! THE CIRCLE OF LIFE!<>
I felt a great sense of relief after that moment. It still didn't take away my pain but it definitely eased it.
I conceived again after that pregnancy and had two beautiful babies Michael and Ruby....life had come full circle yet again. It finally felt complete. The cow also went on to conceive.
These experiences have shown me how important it is to honour each and every death and for me, to create rituals which help to acknowledge and move on from those experiences in order to be able to heal the pain and grief. Also to honour every spirit that comes to this world even for the briefest time and thank it for its presence in our life.
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